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WE HAVE THE HONOR OF WATCHING THE OTHER GUYS PUTTING UP THE EQUIVALENT OF RONALD MCDONALD FOR THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, AND WE’RE CLUELESSLEY TELLING THEM HE’S COMPLETELY UNFIT. WE SHOULD BE ERECTING STATUES IN HIS HONOR, THROWING GARLANDS AT HIS FEET AND OFFERING SACRIFICES TO THE GODS FOR HIS SUCCESS WITH HIS PARTY.

DEMOCRATS -WAKE UP!!!! DONALD CAN BE THE NEXT SARAH PALIN, DAN QUALE, MICHAEL DUKAKIS OR BARRY GOLDWATER. YOU’RE RUINING A BEAUTIFUL THING, OBAMA. EVERYONE WHO CAN DRAW A BREATH KNOWS OF DONALD’S PREJUDICES, HIS UTTER LACK OF KNOWLEDGE AND COMPLETE FAILURE OF PERCEPTION OF THE ISSUES, SO WHY DO WE BELABOR THE OBVIOUS?

DONALD IS OUR SAVIOR AND CAN RESCUE US FROM A FUTURE MUCH TOO CROWDED WITH MYOPIC, MISANTHROPIC, RIGHT-WING GENETIC DEFECTIVES WHO ARE TOO DUMB TO UNDERSTAND THAT 2016 AMERICA IS JUST A TAD DIFFERENT THEN AMERICA IN 1789, WHAT WITH TELEPHONES, COMPUTERS AND CARS AND ROADS, STOCK MARKETS, AND ALL.

WAKE UP!! DONALD IS OUR KEY TO THREE SUPREME COURT JUSTICES THAT UNDERSTAND VOTERS RIGHTS, WOMEN OWN THEIR OWN BODIES AND THAT YES, THAT SEA LEVELS RISING BY TEN FEET CAUSED OR CONTRIBUTED BY HUMANS GENERATING ELECTRICITY BY COAL-FIRED ENERGY PLANTS IS A BAD THING. FOR GODS SAKE, DONALD, BECOME BEST BUDDIES WITH ROGER ALIES, MAKE SWEET, SWEET LOVE TO MEGAN THE WITLESS.

WE MUST LET DONALD KNOW THAT IT’S RIGHT THAT EVERYONE IN THE SOUTH HAS THE RIGHT TO CARRY A HANDGUN AND WE ABSOLUTELY MUST ENCOURAGE THE RNC TO ALLOW THE ATTENDEES IN CLEVELAND CARRY HANDGUNS TO PROTECT THEMSELVES; THEIR FOURTH AMENDMENT RIGHTS MUST BE PRESERVED. IMAGINE, FIFTY THOUSAND JACK DANIELS-SWILLING YOSEMITE SAM’S PACKING EVERYTHING FROM .38’S TO UZI’S TO HOWITZERS. AND WE ARE GOING TO SUGGEST THAT THE AUTHORITIES PUT A STOP TO THIS? ARE WE CRAZY? NOPE, NOW IS THE TIME TO BE THE ROAD RUNNER AND WATCH THE REPUBLICANS BE A COLLECTIVE WYLIE E. COYOTE.

OH OBAMA, MY PRESIDENT, PLEASE, PLEASE DON’T TAKE THE HAMMER OUT OF THE HANDS THAT IS GOING TO POUND A STAKE THROUGH THE HEART OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY. IT’S WORSE THEN STOPPING THE UNDEAD AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE. ENCOURAGE THEIR DISCUSSIONS, THOSE ENDLESSLY ENTERTAINING DICK-MEASURING CONTESTS MASQUERADING AS DEBATES WHERE ANY DISCUSSION ABOUT POLICY IS STILLBORN! RELISH THE MEMORIES OF DONALD TELLING CARLY THAT SHE WAS HOMELY AND SOMEHOW MISSING THE MORE IMPORTANT POINT THAT THE MEESKITE WOULDN’T RECOGNIZE A TRUTH IF SHE RAN OVER IT WITH HER CAR. REMEMBER FONDLY BEN CARSON SLEEPING THROUGH THE INSULT-FESTS EVEN WHEN HE WAS TALKING. WE NEED TO SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGE THESE PEOPLE.

DO WE WANT TO SEE REPUBLICAN PARTY THAT DISCUSSES REAL ISSUES, A PARTY THAN MIGHT NOMINATE ANYONE OTHER THAN A UNELECTABLE XENOPHOBIC MISOGYNIST WHO WANTS TO BUILDS A WALL TO STOP PEOPLE WHO DIG TUNNELS? NO! AGAIN I SO NO!! GIVE ME A HALLELUJAH!!
THESE PEOPLE NEED OUR CONTINUED ENCOURAGEMENT TO NOMINATE A MAN SO DETESTABLE AND RUDDERLESS THAT HE MAY GIVE US A SENATE THAT NOT ONLY ACKNOWLEDGES GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE BUT ACTUALLY MAY DO SOMETHING MORE THAN FOLLOW THE LEAD OF A MYOPIC KENTUCKIAN TURTLE WHO INSISTS ON ‘CLEAN COAL’ AND BECAUSE, ‘HE’S NO SCIENTIST’, THEREFORE ISN’T ENOUGH EVIDENCE THAT MAN HASN’T CONTRIBUTED TO GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE.